


Coda

by nazzy



Series: Berlin 2054 [3]
Category: Shadowrun, Shadowrun: Dragonfall
Genre: Advice, Christmas Presents, Dietrich gets to do the talking, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Punk, Shadowrun - Freeform, Shamans, Tattoos, Unconventional Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-07 01:04:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14659986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nazzy/pseuds/nazzy
Summary: People talk about three little words that can change your life. As usual, mine weren’t the same as everyone else’s.





	1. Faida

I woke up early, and rolled out of bed carefully to avoid disturbing Zee. She’d been out casing an office block with Eiger the night before, prepping for a run, and I had a foggy recollection of her climbing into bed around 4ish. My girl works hard, and she’s earned her sleep.

My girl. I’m still getting used to it, even though it’s been…a month now. Good God, it’s been a month. But I never expected this. Never expected us to turn into an us. But here we are. Just goes to show what I know.

The thing is, when I first met her, when Monika introduced us, I could immediately see why Monika liked her. And I did too. She was quick and competent and obviously talented, and I like working with people who know their shit. It was more than that, though. Maybe it was the way she wears her hair, with an old-school decker buzz on the right side. (I always approve of the old school.) Or how she does her make-up, drawing attention to the shape of her eyes instead of downplaying it, like ‘Yeah, I don’t look like you. What about it?’ There’s something defiant about her, and defiant is right up my alley.

I also noticed that she’s very attractive (because I’m not blind), but nothing was going to come of that. It wasn’t even a conscious thought – it’s not like I pined away for her, or gave myself some long, drawn-out lecture about how it would never happen. On this basic, gut level, I knew without even having to think about it that it was a non-starter. So as we got to know each other better, my brain proceeded to overwrite every single interaction we had – every joke, every drink, every look, every hug, even the time I fell asleep in her bed in nothing but my damn underwear – as purely platonic. Even that intense moment after the Humanis run was papered over – the faintest suggestion of the thought _Shit, the way she was looking at me…_ got shut down like a pulled plug. And the fact we had trouble talking to each other for a few days after? Well, I was only awkward because she was. It couldn’t possibly be for any other reason. It couldn’t possibly be anything other than friendship. Close friendship, sure. Deep friendship even. But she surely didn’t want me, and I certainly didn’t want her. Then she kissed me, and I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.

Normally, my gut doesn’t lead me astray. This time, it did, and I’m glad I was wrong.

She stirred, even though I’d tried to be quiet getting dressed. “Whatcha doin’?” she slurred into her pillow.

“Just gonna go run some errands,” I said, then grinned at her. “Need me to file an itinerary, boss?”

“Fuck you,” she grumbled good-naturedly, rolling over.

“I’ll add that to the list,” I promised. From under the mound of blankets, her hand extended, middle finger raised. I grabbed it, kissed her palm, and headed out.

My destination was a quiet little kiez in the north end of Templehof. As I walked the streets, hugging my jacket close, I noticed flyers for an upcoming Christmas market and realized that I wanted to give Zee a Christmas present. But what to get? Nothing sappy, obviously. The last thing I wanted was to be one of those pathetic old creeps, pitifully grateful that someone so young and beautiful would deign to lay with my ancient ass. Because she is young, and she is beautiful (she’s fucking gorgeous, if you ask me, but I’m biased), but that’s not why I’m glad we’ve got this thing that we have. We _are_ friends, just like I thought we were, but better. And she’s just generally an amazing person. She’s sharp, and she’s tough, and she’s funny as hell.

And fucking gorgeous.

I turned a corner, and knocked at the second door on the right. It had an old-fashioned lion face door knocker and everything. The woman who answered my knock was a little older than me (though I’d never ask a lady her age), with bright hazel eyes, dressed in an embroidered housecoat over a sweater and jeans. Today’s headscarf was red with a floral print. She took one look at me and exclaimed, “Dietrich, you hound! How old is she?”

“Twenty-six, and Salaam Alaikum to you too, Faida.”

She flashed me a deep, ain’t-I-a-stinker grin, a dimple appearing in her left cheek. “Wa Alaikum Salaam, Dietrich. Come in.”

It didn’t surprise me that Faida had noticed. Anybody who knew how to look would see Zee printed all over me. And Faida would definitely know how to look. She’s a shaman of the Great Mother, who’s exactly what you’d think She is – the spirit of nurturing, caring, compassion, and asking what sort of hour you call this, young man, She’s been worried sick.

Of course, it would be selling Faida short to think she’s just any old shaman. There’s a reason why she was the one Paul called on for help with those clones we found in the Azzie lab. She’s been in the game for a long time, and done a lot of good on the way. She may look like somebody’s nice auntie, but she’s spent over thirty years doing her totem’s work, and the Great Mother’s no lightweight. There’s a reason why you don’t mess with a mama bear. The Great Mother protects Her own.

“Would you care for some tea?” Faida asked as I entered the cramped hall.

“Tea? Faida, I have a reputation to maintain.”

“Of course, what was I thinking?” She shot me another dimpled smile. “What can I do for you, my friend?”

“Well…couple of things, actually. I wanted to see how your houseguests were doing.”

“The boys? Oh, they’re not here anymore. They’ve made such progress we moved them to a little commune in Haselhorst last week. I wasn’t really sure when you first sent them my way, but I really think it’s not too ambitious to think they may be able to live independently at some point.” She sighed. “Socialization and basic life skills haven’t been too difficult, but teaching them to think of themselves as _people_ … It will take time.”

I nodded, and said, “I, uh, also wanted to thank you for still taking our calls. Now that Paul’s gone.”

“Dear Paul.” She glanced at the floor, a flicker of sadness in her eyes. “Well, of course I would. I can understand some people choosing not to, but for myself, I see no reason.” She fixed me with a shrewd look. “But those are things easily said over the comm. And yet you’ve come to call face-to-face. What are you really doing here, Dietrich?”

Can’t put one past Faida. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, feeling embarrassed and not sure why. “Well…I… I need some advice.”

“Advice?” The dimple was threatening to make a return appearance. “If you’re going to ask for my advice, dear Dietrich, I must _insist_ that you take tea.”

I smiled. “Yes ma’am.” Faida makes a damn good cup of tea, anyway.

I sat at her kitchen table as she bustled around. “Incidentally, my dear,” she said, “you may wish to censor yourself. I’m glad your young lady enjoys your attentions, but your aura is…rather detailed.”

“Sorry,” I said, not actually sorry at all. Look, Zee and I have really good sex and I’m gonna think about it.

She poured the tea and sat down. “Now. You mentioned advice.”

“Yeah…it’s kind of a long story.”

“My schedule is open.”

I took a drink. Damn good tea. “Well, it starts with Zee…”

“The young lady.”

“Yeah.”

People talk about three little words that can change your life. As usual, mine weren’t the same as everyone else’s.

_“…it felt like this oasis. A haven, a port in the storm. It felt like home.”_

I’ve been through a lot of shit in my life, but I can’t remember ever needing to just be touched, just be close to someone as much as I did the night Paul died. So even though the sex was fantastic, the best part was after, when Zee was curled up in my arms, her head on my chest. Her hair was messy and her makeup was smudged. She was sleepy and rambling and it was one of those moments you wish could last forever.

_“So do you.”_

See, I’d kinda figured, in the back of my mind, that this Firewing thing was it for me. That it would be the fight I didn’t walk away from. The literal blaze of glory. I’d thought I was okay with it. Then she said that, and I realized I wasn’t.

That was what brought me to the storefront the next morning. The Dragonslayer and I needed to sort this out.

Faida’s eyebrows lifted as she looked at me over the rim of her teacup. “You bargained with your totem?”

“Yeah, I kinda did.”

People ask me sometimes what the Dragonslayer looks like. And I always say, What do you think He looks like? Because whatever you’re thinking, it’s probably right.

“Oi,” He said, folding His arms. “What now? Still shirty with me for primin’ the pump with our girl?”

I still can't quite believe He did that. I had no idea He took my unintentional celibacy so personally.

“Nah, we’re good,” I said. “But we do need to have a word.” I took a deep breath, and went for it. “All my life, I’ve never backed down from a fight.”

“That’s why you’re one of my favorites.”

“What if I…picked a different one?”

He raised an eyebrow.

“I have to fight for something. I WANT to fight for something. But maybe I shouldn’t be chasing after whatever’s biggest and ugliest. Maybe I should be a bit more…discriminating.” I took the plunge. “What if I fought for her? Can I do that? Can I fight for her?”

He considered that, in dead silence. “That…” A smile slowly spread over His face. “That is fuckin’ chivalrous, mate. Yeah, that’s good. We’ll do that.”

Faida set down her cup, leaning on her elbows over the table. “Fascinating.” A little smile hovered around her lips. “And very romantic. Dietrich, I’ve never seen this side of you.”

I tried to cover my embarrassment with some more tea. “Yeah, well…” I rubbed the back of my head. Dammit, I’d missed a spot shaving.

She took pity on me. “It seems you and your totem reached an equitable arrangement. What did you need my advice for?”

“Well, I’m not getting any younger. Sooner or later – probably sooner – I’m gonna have to start thinking about how to transition to the next thing. I’m just not sure what that would entail. But you…you’ve got this network you’ve built; you do a lotta good in this city, and I guess I figured you’d be the best person to ask.”

“Ah, I see.” She took a thoughtful sip. “Obviously, what the Great Mother asks of me and what the Dragonslayer asks of you are very different.”

“Obviously.”

“And there is the matter of keeping your word regarding the object of your fight.”

“Yeah.”

“So what is _her_ fight? It seems to me your best direction would be supporting that.”

The Kreuzbasar. That’s Zee’s fight. Down to her bones.

I nodded. “Makes sense.”

“Of course, I’m not getting any younger either, so a great deal of what I do is providing my experience and my insight to others. Mentoring. How comfortable are you with that?”

I let out a long breath. I’d been thinking about that myself recently. And I kept coming back to one thing. One night. I stared into my tea. The kitchen was full of December sunlight, and yet, I was sure I could see flames.

“You remember the Night of Rage,” I said quietly. It wasn’t a question, because I knew the answer.

“Of course.”

Of course she did. Faida’d been in the streets that night too, though our paths hadn’t crossed then. She remembered.

“Lot of people died that night. Some because of me.”

She tilted her head. “Do you feel guilty about that?”

“Not about the fascist fucks I put down. Sorry. Language.” I sighed again. “No, I haven’t lost a second’s sleep in fifteen years about them. But the kids…the ones who followed me into the streets and didn’t live to see the sun rise the next morning… Yeah, I guess I do feel guilty about that.”

“Dietrich.” Faida reached across the table and patted my hand. “The Dragonslayer is your idol, and you were theirs. As we are granted power, we give it to others. But the magic we possess is only a taste of the real thing, given to us so we can understand its weight. Perhaps you were not ready then, but you’ve carried this weight for fifteen years. You may find now that you’re better able to bear it than you thought.”

I was going to have to chew on that. I finished my tea. “Maybe so.”

“But if you really want to be of help to others, the best way to do that is to ask them what they need.” She smiled at me. “It’s a good place to start anyway.”

I smiled back. “Okay.”

She walked me back to the door. “It was good to see you again, Dietrich. You shouldn’t be a stranger.”

“Yeah, I think maybe it’s time to stop being such a shut-in. I’ll see you around, Faida.”

“I’d like that. Oh, and Dietrich? If you want to get your young lady a holiday gift, is there anything she’s mentioned wanting to get for herself?”

It would be creepy, except that I know how she does it. “Faida love, you’re a genius. Thank you.”


	2. Konrad

And THAT’s why you go to Faida for advice. Because she’d just helped me solve two problems at once.

So instead of heading home, I found myself going in the opposite direction, headed for a place I hadn’t been in years. It doesn’t have a name, because if you need it to have one, it’s not the place for you. It’s just Konrad’s.

It was open, but empty, which wasn’t surprising. It’s the kind of business that tends to attract a night owl crowd. I’m honestly not sure I’ve ever had a tattoo done in daylight, now that I think about it. There was a kid, maybe a little older than Alexander, sitting at the front counter with a sketchbook in front of him. What I could see of it, at that angle and upside down, was pretty good, but Konrad doesn’t bother with the mediocre, so that wasn’t surprising. He looked up as I opened the door, squinting at me. No doubt he was wondering where this old guy was going to put more ink.

“Konrad around?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said slowly. “Konrad!” he yelled, still taking me in, obviously trying to figure me out. “Somebody here to see you!”

“Oh, what the fuck,” grumbled a familiar voice from the back room. “It’s not even fucking noon…” The complaining stopped as the complainer pushed his way through the curtained door and saw me. A huge smile crossed his face, baring his tusks, and he reached for me, wrapping me in a massive, rib-straining hug. “Dietrich Farber, you ugly fucker! Erich,” he said to the kid, “why didn’t you say it was Dietrich?”

“Um…”

“He may not be familiar with me,” I offered, once I got my breath back. Konrad’s a big guy, and being hugged by him is a life-altering experience.

“Shit. Kids today.” Konrad shook his head. “So what can I do for you? It’s been ages!”

It had been a while. Konrad’s done a lot of my tats, including all the work on my scalp, which he and I agreed was some of his finest. Being an orc, a lot of people tend to assume he’s dumb and clumsy, but he’s a true artist. Not just with a tattoo gun, but an artist, full stop. “Got a lady friend looking to get some ink,” I said. “Thought I’d see what your calendar looks like.”

“A lady friend, huh?” His smile instantly transmogrified into a leer. “What kind of lady friend?”

“ _That_ kind of lady friend.” Go ahead and use your imagination, Konrad. “She’s had derms before, but never the real thing.”

“Ach, derms!” Konrad dismissed the entire concept with a wave of his hand. “Bring her around anytime,” he said. “Friends and family discount. After all, any lady friend of yours...”

“Is smart enough to know better,” I finished for him. His booming laugh filled the shop, and I grinned at him. It had been too long. “Wanna get a drink?” I asked. “We should catch up.”

There was a bar around the corner that I vaguely remembered getting drunk in years before, so we went there, and got a couple of beers. “I hear you’ve been running the shadows full time,” Konrad said. “Looks like it’s been good to you.”

“I do alright,” I said, taking a drink. “Helps to have a good crew.”

His expression got gossipy. “So what about that decker from out of town? The one who took over for Schäfer? I hear she’s hot drek.”

I just looked at him, and I could see the gears turning. “Oh shit,” he said. “ _That’s_ your lady friend? Dammit, man, shadowrunning’s been REALLY good to you.”

I chuckled. I was going to be getting a lot of that for here on out, I could tell, so best to just get used to it. “Yeah, I guess so. Been thinking about the old days, though.”

Nostalgia shone in his eyes. “We had some fuckin’ times, didn’t we?” He sighed. “Lately I’ve been thinking you had the right idea, though, after the Night of Rage.”

“What do you mean?”

“You could have been a serious player in the F-State, Dietrich. Coulda cashed in on your rep. I used to wonder why. But these days…can’t say I blame you.”

I thought about that. There hadn’t really been a _plan_ to what I did, stepping off-stage, pulling the shadows closed behind me. It had just felt like the reasonable thing to do. I’d lived for the heat of the lights, but they’d started to burn.

“Who would have thought that an anarchist state would be so damn _political_ , ya know?” Konrad continued. “Secret councils playing power games, everybody pulling everybody’s strings, everybody spying on everybody else… I know a lot of the younger guys aren’t really into it. They love the freedom, but the bullshit’s getting harder to ignore.” He glanced at me. “They may not know who you are, but I bet some of them would love to get to pick your brain.”

“What’s so special about my brain?”

He gave me a friendly shove that threatened to knock me out of my chair. “You’ve actually _lived_ it, man. Good and bad. That’s a lot more than most of those jumped-up influence brokers can claim. And the ones who _do_ know who you are? Your name still carries a lotta weight in the scene.

“You know I was just thinking about you yesterday, and here you are,” he added. “What are the chances?”

Damn, Faida’s good.

We had another beer, and I hung around the shop with him and Erich the rest of the afternoon into the evening. Slowly, a few more artists, and then some customers, started to show up. And it felt good to be in the middle of a crowd again, laughing, shooting the shit, telling old stories, being a walking advertisement for Konrad’s work. At least one person who’d been on the fence about a scalp piece decided to take the plunge, and I told Konrad I should get a cut. He handed me a credstick with a single nuyen on it, the bastard, and made me promise to come back soon.

That was an easy promise to make. I was already starting to see how reconnecting with the old scene (which was turning into a new scene) could be good, and not just for me. I headed back to the Kreuzbasar, feeling like it had been a good day.

It wasn’t over yet, though. When I got back to the safehouse, I found Zee in the room she and Blitz call their ‘tech cave’. Personally, I don’t know shit about the Matrix, but I’ve worked with a lot of people over the years who do. Monika had been one of the best. I think Zee may be better.

She was staring at her terminal screen, scanning a wall of incomprehensible gibberish like it actually meant something. She must have seen me out of the corner of her eye, because her head turned, and she smiled. “Hey,” she said, standing. “How was your day?”

“Very good.” I glanced at the screens. “We ready for tomorrow night, boss?”

“Ready as we’re gonna be.” Her smile faded, and she puffed out her cheeks. I could see the nervousness swirling around her. Didn’t even have to look directly at her aura for it. This was going to be our first major run post-Paul (we’d taken a couple of smaller jobs, but this one was going to be a different order of magnitude) and our first run post-Glory, period. I didn’t blame her for her nerves, but worrying wouldn’t help. I put on my most encouraging face.

“We’ve got this, love.”

It looked like it worked, because the smile was back. She stretched her arms over her head – who knows how long she’d been hunched over that terminal - and I let myself enjoy the view. What can I say? She’s got nice lines. She caught me watching (she always does) and her smile got sly. Invitation accepted. I slid my hands along her waist, and she lowered her arms to rest on my shoulders.

“There was _one_ thing I didn’t get to, though,” I said. I couldn’t help but grin as understanding gleamed in her eyes.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to be the reason you didn’t finish your to-do list.”

It’s not that she makes me feel young. It’s that she doesn’t make me feel old. The problem with an age difference like ours can be power dynamics, an experience gap that can leave the older party with the upper hand. On the high ground, you might say. I may be older, but she’s still the boss, so that levels the playing field. And even if she wasn’t, she’s so damn smart I don’t think we could ever be on anything other than equal footing.

I mean, occasionally one of us is on top of the other, but that’s a technicality.

It was her turn this time, and afterward, she didn't roll off, but settled on me like I was part of the furniture. She had her arms crossed on my chest, her chin resting on them with a little smile on her face, and there was something about her expression that made me reach out, slipping my fingers through her hair, silky platinum on one side and soft stubble on the other. “ _Mein Schatz_ ,” I murmured fondly. “ _Mein Liebe, mein Herz, mein Engel_.”

Her smile got warmer, mischievous pleasure sparkling in her eyes. “You gettin’ sentimental on me?” she teased.

“Yep. Guess you'll just have to deal with it.”

“Guess so,” she said. She stretched, tucking her face against the side of my neck, so I only barely heard her add, “Lucky for you I like it.”

Yeah, I’m one lucky son of a bitch.

I realized I hadn't asked my question yet, and now seemed like as good a time as any. “So, love…you still wanna get that tattoo?”


	3. Zee

Not to brag, but I was right.

Her nervousness was absolutely unwarranted, and the run went down smooth as silk. And it was a good payday, too. So the next day, to celebrate, I took her to Konrad’s.

The shop got a little quieter when we walked in. She’s starting to get a serious rep in Berlin, and there’s a lot of overlap between Konrad’s regulars and the Shadowland crowd. Any runner with a good game gets noticed quick, and being the person who not only survived stepping into Monika Schäfer’s shoes, but thrived, automatically makes her kind of a big deal. For his part, Konrad just looked her up and down and said to me, “You realize she’s completely out of your league, right?”

“Oh yeah. I’ve never thought anything else.”

“I am standing right here,” Zee said. Konrad beamed a million mega-watt smile at her.

“Yes you are, and I am honored,” he said. He indicated one of the chairs with a graceful sweep of his arm. “I understand you’re in the art market. What did you have in mind?”

Konrad’s a pro, so if he was disappointed it was only a little piece, and going on the inside of her left wrist, instead of anywhere more interesting, he appropriately kept it to himself. Besides, any disappointment he’d feel wouldn’t be so much about getting her kit off as the bragging rights, and he’d still get those one way or the other. He started sketching out a few ideas for her, to see what she liked, and I drifted over into conversation with some of the loiterers.

One of the kids (they’re all kids – Konrad’s the only one who’s even close to my age and he’s barely forty) was griping about his band’s front man, who apparently fancied himself the second coming of Henry Rollins or some shit. Definite prima donna complex. “It’s like he’s too good for us now! Hell, it’s like he’s too good for the fans at our shows!”

“He won’t last long,” I said reassuringly. “Egos are flammable. Thing about being out front is, it looks like it’s all about you, but it ain’t. It’s about your bandmates. It’s about the crowd. The front man has to be sure everybody else is getting what they need.” I grinned. “It’s kinda like good sex. You gotta make sure everybody involved gets there.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, everyone looked at Zee. She shrugged. “He knows what he’s talking about. You think I’d be sleeping with him if he couldn’t get me off?”

Konrad’s huge laugh almost drowned out everyone else’s. My MESSERKAMPF! days may still carry a lot of weight, but she’s damn good for my rep too.

She’d settled on what she wanted, and settled into one of the chairs while Konrad prepped his guns. I could see the little vortex of nervous anticipation surrounding her, and moved to stand next to her, taking her hand. “Just remember,” I said softly, “you’ve been shot before.”

Pissing her off should not be as funny as it is. She jabbed at my stomach with her free fist. “Why do I put up with you?”

“I dunno. Why do you?” I grinned at her, enjoying that she was struggling so hard to maintain her glare.

“May I?” Konrad reached for her left hand, turning her wrist upward. “Ready?” She nodded, and he began.

I’ve gotten so many tattoos over the years I’d kind of forgotten how cool it is to watch one be done. Zee gripped my hand hard as Konrad began the outline, sucking air between her teeth, but once she got used to the sensation, she started to watch him work with fascination. Like I said, Konrad’s an artist. He deftly laid down the outline of the hornet’s body in a matter of moments, but the real magic was when he started the shading, taking the flat lines and giving them shape and dimension. It wasn’t a big piece, not even eight centimeters square, but he lavished just as much care on it as he would any back-spanning epic. With the last touch of detail on the wings, he swabbed at the design with some gauze and leaned back.

“Well?”

Zee turned her wrist slightly, her eyes bright. “Perfect.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” he said, beaming. He wiped her wrist down with medigel, telling her to keep it clean and to let him know if there were any problems. “Or if you just wanna come by.” He shot her his most suave smile. “You might get bored with this guy, and now you know where to find me.”

“That I do,” she agreed, smiling back. “If nothing else, I may have more business for you.”

“Got the bug already, huh?” he asked as he and I settled up. Friends and family discount indeed. He only charged me twenty nuyen for it.

We didn’t stick around for long after that, but got on the U-Bahn, heading home. We squeezed into the last few available seats of a surprisingly packed train. She was turning her wrist again admiringly. “Thank you, Dietrich. It really is perfect.”

“Glad you like it,” I said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Merry Christmas, _Liebchen_.”

She sighed, “You know, now I’m gonna have to get you something.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yes I do!”

“I’m a man of simple tastes,” I reminded her. She made a face.

“Which somehow makes it more complicated. This-” She brandished her wrist- “Is a really good gift, so now I'm going to have to up my game. Can't exactly settle for a bottle of schnapps and a blowjob.”

“I’d take a bottle of schnapps and a blowjob.”

“I know you would. Because you're a man of simple tastes.”

In response, I kissed her again, and she stuck her tongue out at me, then settled her head against my shoulder. We didn’t say anything else until we had to disembark to change lines at the next station. This time, the train was practically empty. There were only a couple of other people in the carriage, so we had the whole back half to ourselves.

She was quiet as we took our seats, a thoughtful look on her face. I gave her a little nudge. “What’s on your mind?”

“Been thinking about last night,” she said. “There was more security than we expected.”

“Yeah, but we handled it.” I chuckled. “And Blitz gave them merry hell with that drone. They must have chased that thing for a solid half hour.”

“That was pretty funny,” she allowed. But the humor didn’t show in her face, and she said, in a soft voice, “The corps are gearing up for something. Something big. And I’ve been thinking about what APEX showed me. I think I’m going to have to have a very long, very honest conversation with Altuğ and Samuel. Very soon.” She seemed to talking to herself as much as to me, so I let her. “It’s not the corporate forces I’m worried about so much. Not even the military. I’m pretty sure my arrangement with Lofwyr covers that. It’s the gangs. When they start losing territory, they’re going to come sniffing around our door. We’ll have to be ready for that.” She gave a humorless little laugh, leaning her head back against the hard plastic seatback. “Dammit, Monika. Coming to Berlin was supposed to be a do-over. Good jobs and easy money, she said. Ha!” She glanced at me. “What do you think she’d do in my position?”

“She wouldn’t be in your position,” I said honestly. “Because she would have never in a million years thought to do what you did. When it came to the Flux State, she was a true believer. She would have gone down swinging.”

I regretted my word choice, because she seemed to get smaller. Her shoulders shrank, and her gaze dropped. “Yeah, she would have. In a blaze of glory.”

Fuck. Now I’d really stepped in it. Time to pull this thing out of a tailspin. “Zee, that wasn’t a criticism. Monika was an idealist, all or nothing, and if she had known what you do, if APEX was telling you the truth-”

“It wasn't lying to me,” she said firmly. “It had made its calculations and it believed them to be accurate.”

She didn't talk much about her experience in APEX’s systems. It seemed to make her sad.

“Then she would have gone into full ‘Save the Flux’ mode. And maybe she could have pulled out a miracle. But there's a reason why miracles ain't common.”

“Sometimes all you can do is run a salvage operation,” she said thoughtfully.

“Exactly.”

"So you’re saying it’s a good idea to pick my battles.”

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

“That sounds really weird coming from you.”

I shrugged. “That’s why I’m not the boss. I may be an anarchist, but I was one long before the F-State came along and I’ll be one after it’s gone. So if you’re worried about me, don’t be, and definitely don’t worry about catering to somebody else’s ideology.” That got me a smile, a better one, so thinking of Faida’s advice I asked, “What do you need from me, Zee?”

She looked at me silently for a moment, eyes searching my face. She has such intense eyes, like black diamond. In them, I could see words being chosen, ideas formed and discarded. Finally, she said, simply, “I need you to have my back.”

“Done,” I said. “Ask for something hard.” And _that_ got me a laugh, which was a victory I took a moment to bask in. “I told you you’ve got me, _Schatzi_ ,” I said quietly, then grinned. “Unless you’re planning on taking Konrad up on his offer.”

“It _was_ tempting,” she said. “But he’s two train exchanges away. You’re much more convenient.”

We shared a smile, and I was glad I’d been able to help banish the cloud that had been threatening to descend on her. But it reminded me of something that had been needling at me, and even though I didn’t really want to say anything, sometimes you have to. “You know, we haven’t actually talked about that.”

“About what?”

“About how exclusive this is. Or isn’t.”

She got that still look on her face, the one that betrayed nothing. “That’s true. We haven’t.”

Time to lay my cards on the table. “I broke a four year dry spell with you,” I said bluntly. “I haven’t exactly been putting myself out there. But you’re young and-”

She rolled her eyes. “And you wouldn’t want to tie me down or make me feel like I’m missing out on anything, or regret anything.” She sighed, frustration hissing in the sound. I was back to stepping in it, apparently. “Do you know why I kissed you that first night?”

My first thought – ‘Because you were horny?’ – seemed like it would only get me in more trouble, so I didn’t say anything. Just as well, because when she’s on a tear, it’s best to just let her finish. “Because I wanted to. Because I wanted _you_ , and I didn’t even know how much until I did it. And…” She sighed again, but this time it almost sounded a little sheepish. “And because I think I knew, deep down, that if I didn’t, I would regret it. So there you go. You don’t want me to regret anything, and neither do I.” She turned a little in her seat, the better to face me head on, and took my hand. “There is nobody else like you, Dietrich. You are plenty of variety all on your own. And I don’t want anyone else. Maybe that’ll change. I’ll let you know if it does. But I don’t know that it will.”

I squeezed her hand. “Okay. Long as we’re clear.” She smiled.

“We better be.”

That was when I noticed that her other hand was resting on my thigh, and it wasn’t sexual, just…intimate. Which was nice. There’s something to be said for having someone in your life who can be that kind of intimate. Then her fingers tightened, her nails scraping the fabric of my pants, and then it _was_ sexual. I inhaled, enjoying the sensation. “Careful, love,” I murmured. “You don’t wanna start something we’re not in a position to finish.”

She actually got a little pink. “Oh God, on the U-Bahn! Every antibiotic in the world wouldn’t be enough!” She cleared her throat. “Guess I should behave myself.”

She started to withdraw her hand, and I caught her wrist. “Now, I wouldn’t go _that_ far,” I said.

Her eyes got that knowing glitter. _Invitation accepted_ , they said. She leaned in and kissed me, very softly. “Home?” she whispered against my mouth. I nodded.

I draped my arm around her shoulders, and she kept her hand where it was, snuggling up next to me. She nestled her face against my neck, nibbling little kisses every so often, just to remind me of what waited for me at home.

Have I mentioned how lucky I am?

What I hadn’t told her, or Faida, or anyone else, was the other thing the Dragonslayer had said that morning in the shop. “I like this one,” He’d told me. “She gets it. So you better not fuck this up, mate, or I will dropkick you into the next Age.”

I’ve been His servant for a long time, and frequently, it’s been a hard road. It’s a hard road with a hard end, no matter what. But this? This is the easiest thing He’s ever asked of me.

  



End file.
